Building and maintaining healthy relationships is a fundamental part of adolescent development, shaping how teens interact with peers, friends, romantic partners, and family throughout their lives. As parents and caregivers, your role in guiding these explorations is invaluable. This guide provides insights, resources, and practical advice to foster positive and respectful connections for your teen.
Core Components of Healthy Relationships:
The FRIES Model of Consent
When discussing any relationship, whether with friends, partners, or even family, the FRIES model provides a clear framework for understanding and practicing consent, a fundamental aspect of healthy interactions. This model ensures that consent is:
F - Freely Given: Consent must be a choice made without pressure, manipulation, guilt, threats, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. It must be voluntary and uncoerced.
R - Reversible: Consent can be changed or withdrawn at any time, for any reason, by anyone involved. Even if someone initially agrees, they have the right to change their mind, and their decision must be respected immediately.
I - Informed: Consent can only be given if all parties have a clear and full understanding of what they are agreeing to. For example, if someone agrees to one activity, that doesn't mean they've agreed to anything else, and if conditions change (e.g., using protection), consent needs to be re-established.
E - Enthusiastic: Consent should be given with genuine excitement and willingness. If there's any hesitation, uncertainty, or a feeling of obligation, it's not enthusiastic consent. Only an enthusiastic "yes" truly means "yes."
S - Specific: Consent for one activity does not imply consent for others. Agreeing to one type of interaction (e.g., kissing) doesn't mean agreeing to all others (e.g., sexual intercourse). Consent should be specific to each action.
R - Reversible: Consent can be changed or withdrawn at any time, for any reason, by anyone involved. Even if someone initially agrees, they have the right to change their mind, and their decision must be respected immediately.
I - Informed: Consent can only be given if all parties have a clear and full understanding of what they are agreeing to. For example, if someone agrees to one activity, that doesn't mean they've agreed to anything else, and if conditions change (e.g., using protection), consent needs to be re-established.
E - Enthusiastic: Consent should be given with genuine excitement and willingness. If there's any hesitation, uncertainty, or a feeling of obligation, it's not enthusiastic consent. Only an enthusiastic "yes" truly means "yes."
S - Specific: Consent for one activity does not imply consent for others. Agreeing to one type of interaction (e.g., kissing) doesn't mean agreeing to all others (e.g., sexual intercourse). Consent should be specific to each action.
This model, often used by organizations like Planned Parenthood, provides a robust way to ensure all parties are comfortable and respected. Remember, don't forget the FRIES!
Navigating Sexuality and Consent
Adolescence is a time of exploring sexuality and identity. Open conversations about these topics are vital for your teen's health and safety.
Start the Conversation Early and Keep it Ongoing: Discuss bodies, puberty, and relationships from a young age, tailoring information to their developmental stage. These conversations should be regular and normalized, not just a single "talk."
Emphasize Consent Beyond Sex: Teach your children about personal boundaries and respecting others' boundaries in everyday interactions (e.g., asking before hugging, sharing toys, or posting photos online). This builds a foundation for understanding sexual consent.
Inclusive Language: Acknowledge that relationships and sexuality are diverse. Use inclusive language that respects all gender identities and sexual orientations (e.g., "partners" instead of "boyfriends/girlfriends"). Advocates for Youth offers valuable information on healthy relationships, including specific challenges and resources for LGBTQ+ youth
"Day of Change" and SHARP Warriors Insights: Brookline High School's SHARP Warriors (Sexual Harassment And Assault Response & Prevention) organize an annual "Day of Change," fostering education on consent culture and healthy relationships. Their presentations and discussions, like "Holding Conversations: Consent, Toxic Masculinity, and Misogyny at Brookline High School," aim to provide clear definitions, deeper understanding of consent, and build awareness of behaviors that create positive change. Parents may wish to discuss the information their students encounter on this important day.
Check out the powerful panel discussion that occurred at the 2023 "Day of Change" event. Be sure to use the passcode: #*vr8@4*
Start the Conversation Early and Keep it Ongoing: Discuss bodies, puberty, and relationships from a young age, tailoring information to their developmental stage. These conversations should be regular and normalized, not just a single "talk."
Emphasize Consent Beyond Sex: Teach your children about personal boundaries and respecting others' boundaries in everyday interactions (e.g., asking before hugging, sharing toys, or posting photos online). This builds a foundation for understanding sexual consent.
Inclusive Language: Acknowledge that relationships and sexuality are diverse. Use inclusive language that respects all gender identities and sexual orientations (e.g., "partners" instead of "boyfriends/girlfriends"). Advocates for Youth offers valuable information on healthy relationships, including specific challenges and resources for LGBTQ+ youth
"Day of Change" and SHARP Warriors Insights: Brookline High School's SHARP Warriors (Sexual Harassment And Assault Response & Prevention) organize an annual "Day of Change," fostering education on consent culture and healthy relationships. Their presentations and discussions, like "Holding Conversations: Consent, Toxic Masculinity, and Misogyny at Brookline High School," aim to provide clear definitions, deeper understanding of consent, and build awareness of behaviors that create positive change. Parents may wish to discuss the information their students encounter on this important day.
Check out the powerful panel discussion that occurred at the 2023 "Day of Change" event. Be sure to use the passcode: #*vr8@4*
Why Healthy Relationships Matter
During adolescence, young people explore their identities and form new bonds. These relationships are crucial for:
Social Development: Learning communication skills, empathy, and conflict resolution.
Emotional Well-being: Building self-esteem, feeling connected, and developing emotional intelligence.
Sexual Health: Understanding consent, boundaries, and responsible decision-making as they explore their sexuality.
Research consistently shows that when teens feel comfortable talking openly and honestly with their parents about their bodies, relationships, and sexual health, they are more likely to make informed, healthy, and responsible choices.
Social Development: Learning communication skills, empathy, and conflict resolution.
Emotional Well-being: Building self-esteem, feeling connected, and developing emotional intelligence.
Sexual Health: Understanding consent, boundaries, and responsible decision-making as they explore their sexuality.
Research consistently shows that when teens feel comfortable talking openly and honestly with their parents about their bodies, relationships, and sexual health, they are more likely to make informed, healthy, and responsible choices.
Bullying
Bullying is defined as repeated harmful actions (written, verbal, electronic, physical, or gestural) directed at a target that:
Brookline Public Schools maintain a strong stance against bullying.
- Causes physical or emotional harm or property damage.
- Places the target in reasonable fear of harm.
- Creates a hostile environment at school.
- Infringes on the target’s rights at school.
- Materially and substantially disrupts the educational process or school operation.
Brookline Public Schools maintain a strong stance against bullying.
How to Support Your Teen
Validate Their Experiences: If your teen shares concerns, listen without judgment and affirm their feelings. Let them know you believe them.
Empower Them to Speak Up: Encourage them to report unhealthy behaviors to trusted adults (parents, school staff, counselors). Reassure them that they will be supported and protected.
Reinforce Boundaries: Help your teen understand and communicate their personal boundaries, both online and offline.
Address Social Media Use: Discuss the importance of online privacy, the permanence of digital content, and the risks of sharing inappropriate images or engaging in online harassment.
Teach Refusal Skills: Practice scenarios where they might need to say "no" or remove themselves from uncomfortable situations.
Empower Them to Speak Up: Encourage them to report unhealthy behaviors to trusted adults (parents, school staff, counselors). Reassure them that they will be supported and protected.
Reinforce Boundaries: Help your teen understand and communicate their personal boundaries, both online and offline.
Address Social Media Use: Discuss the importance of online privacy, the permanence of digital content, and the risks of sharing inappropriate images or engaging in online harassment.
Teach Refusal Skills: Practice scenarios where they might need to say "no" or remove themselves from uncomfortable situations.
Where to Find More Support
You are not alone in navigating these complex issues. Many organizations offer valuable information and direct support:
Planned Parenthood offers comprehensive resources on sexual health, healthy relationships, and communication for parents, teens, and educators.
Love is Respect provides support, information, and advocacy for young people on healthy relationships and dating abuse.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the largest anti-sexual violence organization in the U.S., offering a national hotline and extensive resources.
The Trevor Project focuses on suicide prevention and crisis intervention for LGBTQ+ young people, often addressing issues related to sexual violence and harassment.
Break the Cycle works to end dating violence by educating and empowering youth.
StopBullying.gov is a federal government website providing information on bullying prevention.
Planned Parenthood offers comprehensive resources on sexual health, healthy relationships, and communication for parents, teens, and educators.
Love is Respect provides support, information, and advocacy for young people on healthy relationships and dating abuse.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the largest anti-sexual violence organization in the U.S., offering a national hotline and extensive resources.
The Trevor Project focuses on suicide prevention and crisis intervention for LGBTQ+ young people, often addressing issues related to sexual violence and harassment.
Break the Cycle works to end dating violence by educating and empowering youth.
StopBullying.gov is a federal government website providing information on bullying prevention.
For more information and support, please visit the Community Resources page on our website.
